Backing My Goals Up with My Higher Purpose

The other day, I was reminded about a time in my life when I wanted to be a love and relationship columnist for the paper — like Phoebe Halliwell from Charmed. And when I was reminded, the idea physically lit me up from the inside out, which tells me that there’s still something there.

I am not a trained mental health professional, nor am I an expert on love and relationships. But I am someone who has put years worth of work into improving my relationships with others, and (most importantly) myself. And over the years, I’ve developed a bit of an expertise (I like to think).

I keep trying (over and over) to figure out what it is I want to do with my life. I’m 35 years old and sometimes I still feel like I don’t actually know (even though I’m pretty sure I do… it’s just that the things I want feel like childish dreams I’m supposed to have given up on by now).

I’ve been told again and again to follow my heart and to trust my feelings; but it’s hard, because I’m the kind of person who is easily excited by the prospect of something new, and the opportunity to learn through experience. So although I may be certain — with all of my heart — that I want to write narratives (and other content) about life, love, relationships and magic, something new can come along and take my attention away from that truth in a heart beat. Or maybe the problem is that I don’t actually believe in myself, so I look for distractions that feel like “the more responsible and adult thing to do.”

And yet, I keep coming back to these things. They’re always there at the back of my mind, coaxing me with new insights about relationships and connection, or new ideas for interesting love stories. The notes section of my phone is filled with insights and ideas (among other things, like stream of consciousness essays about why I suck too much to actually do the things I want).

If you’re out of the loop about where I get most of the advice I follow, it’s from astrology; and the other day, one of my preferred astrologers directed me to think about my long term plans and the goal for my lifetime — whether it’s something I’m able to accomplish or not. And at first I thought about surface level things like, writing and publishing a book; but then I realized it was deeper than that. It’s about my purpose.

Generally speaking (I used astrology to help me figure this out) my purpose is to bring healing, compassion and creativity to the collective through community focused work. On a personal level (I used my heart to help me figure this one out) my purpose is to learn embodied self-love through self-compassion and open creative expression. And hopefully, doing this work for myself gives me the opportunity to support the collective with this same work via the communities I build through my writing.

I am changing. I always am. Change is the only thing I can count on to be constant. But for now, I feel excited about doubling down on my career goals. And knowing that I’ve backed them up with deeper, more meaningful goals makes me feel a little less childish, and a little more empowered in who I am and why I like the things I like.

And since you’re still along for the ride, here’s a heads up that ya’ll have officially become my guinea pigs. So start to expect a lot more content about love and relationships. Especially relationship with self.

If that’s not the kind of content you need or what you signed up for, and you would like to unsubscribe, I totally understand. I might cry about it (just being honest) but truly, no hard feelings.

xoxo,