The Audacity!

Not me popping into your inbox twice within the same week. The audacity!

I’m actually working on a new narrative for the never ending inner monologue that scrolls through my mind like words on a teleprompter. I’m rewriting the script, because the language, the themes, and the overall vibe of what was previously written just isn’t working for me any more.

At first, I didn’t realize that I was being pushed into edit mode. It was a recent reading with one of my many, trusted astrologer friends that pointed me in the right direction.

I began to notice that the words coming out of my mouth, the thoughts circulating within my mind, and the characters forming on the screen in front of me, weren’t actually aligned with how I FEEL. They were nothing more than echoes that haven’t stopped bouncing off the spaces around me, shadows that have long been cast behind me, and false truths that I somehow still believed even though I’ve long since proven that they weren’t true.

It’s like I’ve been trying to operate within an old, clunky script, when what I actually needed was a little improv.

The other day, I wrote you an email that started out as a retelling of these old stories, but as I neared the end — as I described what I’d noticed in stillness — a part of me recognized the process as it has already been happening, even though I wasn’t fully aware.

It’s true, I haven’t felt much like myself lately, because old aspects of who I am are being released.

Old stars and unviable worlds within my internal universe are dying out, and it hurts. Death is always a painful process – even the deaths of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve. My story is and has been part of my identity, part of my experience in this life, part of my existence. My story has always been mine, and it’s not easy to say goodbye – even if it’s for the best.

But the change is imminent, and as I gaze upon the beauty of my own inner worlds that are just stepping into their prime, and the new worlds that are being born, I do feel like me again. I feel like the me that I’m becoming. The me that I have been waiting for. The me that lives and dies with every breath, every heartbeat, and every passing moment. 

Transformation is an ongoing process that goes unnoticed until suddenly, major changes are revealed with little more than a moment’s notice.

I am rewriting the script, my friends, and I hope you stick around, because the story is only just beginning to get good.

Xoxo,